irritate:

can I have a 30 day free trial of being hot

classyskuntank:

how exactly does Crayola come up with names for colours

like brown

there’s light brown, lighter brown, medium brown, darker medium brown, browner, dark brown, darker brown, brownest, really dark brown, just fuckin brown and maybe brownerest or whatever I dunno

but Crayola’s gotta be all

nah man

and don’t get me started on purple like

ah yes

this is the colour of our friendship

what does this even mean

colours are fucking confusing

trvsh:

hey baby are you into 

broke unstable losers

not sure if i need sex, sleep, or to punch someone in the face.

the-heart-of-ice:

Reasons to date me:

• Standing next to me will most likely make you look gorgeous.
• Nobody will try to take me from you.
• I have no upper body strength so if you want to wrestle, you’ll always win.
• You’ll get a good laugh out of my extraordinary clumsiness
• If you happen to live on the country side, I’d make an excellent scarecrow.
• I can almost, kinda-sorta make food.

astudyintimelords:

So I recently bought this Dalek talking plushie

and if you sleep hugging a stuffed plushie and roll over a lot take my word for it and don’t sleep with it because last night I was hugging this dalek and was perfectly asleep and happy and I rolled over and I rolled too much and the dalek got squished and yelled “EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!” really loudly at like fucking 5 in the morning and yeah I was 200% sure I was about to be murdered.